Donald J. Trump: Teeny Weeny Peenie (@RealDonaldTrump) (@POTUS)

I know it. You know it. And you might as well face it, the rest of the world knows it.

You have a teeny weeny penis.

I mean, c'mom. You're 70 years old. You're 50 pounds overweight. You subsist on fast food grease and fat and empty carbs. It doesn't work anyway, so you might as well admit it.

You have a teeny weeny peenie!

One reason we know, Donald, is because you bragged about your penis size on national TV. Any man who has to brag about the size of his genitals is saying "It's not so great down there" (and you bragged when Marco Rubio made fun of the size of your hands, yes you did, and in front of an audience of millions of people!)


You did, Donald, you did, and let's face it, those stubby little fingers do not hold a lot of promise for the size of whatever that is you have almost protruding from your groin.

Another reason we know, Donald? Phallic symbols. Who else but someone feeling inadequate would erect a monstrosity like Trump Tower and put their name on it? And Donald, you didn't stop at just one! C'mon, admit it, you have a serial phallic symbol problem.

And Donald—Rubio was right, and not only about the size of your fingers. By your bullying remarks about the physical characteristics of others, including a disabled reporter, you have forfeited the right to expect not to be skewered because of your teeny weenie.

But the main reason we all know, Donald, is because of your hand-faxing problem.

Here, let's let Graydon Carter tell it:

The myriad vulgarities of Donald Trump—examples of which are retailed daily on Web sites and front pages these days—are not news to those of us who have been living downwind of him for any period of time. I first encountered Trump more than 30 years ago. Back then he was a flashy go-getter from an outer borough eager to make his name in Manhattan real estate. Which he succeeded in doing in the only way he knew how: by putting his name in oversize type on anything he was associated with—buildings, yes, but also vodka, golf courses, starchy ties, and even a sham of a real-estate school. Most people who own private planes include their initials as part of the tail number. Not Trump. On his campaign jet, a Boeing 757, his name runs from the cockpit to the wings—in gold letters, 10 feet high. 

Like so many bullies, Trump has skin of gossamer. He thinks nothing of saying the most hurtful thing about someone else, but when he hears a whisper that runs counter to his own vainglorious self-image, he coils like a caged ferret. Just to drive him a little bit crazy, I took to referring to him as a “short-fingered vulgarian” in the pages of Spy magazine. That was more than a quarter of a century ago. To this day, I receive the occasional envelope from Trump. There is always a photo of him—generally a tear sheet from a magazine. On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to highlight the length of his fingers. I almost feel sorry for the poor fellow because, to me, the fingers still look abnormally stubby. The most recent offering arrived earlier this year, before his decision to go after the Republican presidential nomination. Like the other packages, this one included a circled hand and the words, also written in gold Sharpie: “See, not so short!” I sent the picture back by return mail with a note attached, saying, “Actually, quite short.” Which I can only assume gave him fits.

Those are the words of Graydon Carter, founder of Spy magazine and, since 1992, editor of Vanity Fair.

"What, Vanity Fair? Fake News! Failing magazine! Alternative facts! Yooge hands! Yoooge!"

Fuck you, Donnie.

Here's the link to Graydon's post in Vanity Fair's November 2015 issue.

I just have to say anyone who, like Frank, the freaky guy at the office who is forever photocopying his butt, sends images of his hands decades later to someone who called him (accurately) a short-fingered vulgarian, is insecure, and with good cause, about the size of his penile unit.

So yeah, @RealDonaldTrump, you have a teeny teeny, teeny weeny wienie!

I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it.

Donald Trump, You are a LOSER When It Comes to Appearance

Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. What is with the way you look? It's horrible. It's embarrassing.

You should take GQ's sartorial advice. Really. Pick up the red phone and give them a call. Now, before you put on your absurdly long tie. Just set the tie down and back away. Slowly.

First, what's with your hair? It does not seem to attach to your scalp anywhere. Grown men do not wear their hair like this. And the color! It seems to change from Oompa Loompa to fluorescent orange to mandarin to kumquat to tangerine. Can't you just pick one color not found on earth and stick to it?

Then there's your face! Don't stick out your lower lip so much and for god's sake wash off that Cheeto dust! We know you love food that's bad for you, but really!

As GQ pointed out, your pants are baggy and wrinkled. Your jacket is oversized and usually unbuttoned and the sleeves of your shirt are too long. You are a rumpled, frumpled hot mess!

Who dresses you? Whoever it is, the moment you assume full evil dictator powers, you should have them taken outside and shot.

Donald, you do not look Presidential. You barely look human. Watch the GQ video. Watch it over and over. I know you probably are doing that right now because it pisses you off—but for the sake of the nation, heed their advice.

Donald Trump, You Are a LOSER!

Let's face it, Donnie, you are a loser. Loser, loser, looooooser!

Only a small percentage of people like you. Many despise you.

You look a mess-- Bozo has nothing on you.

Your brain is not good-- your IQ is not what you would have us believe it is, Believe me.

You are a bald-faced liar. You cannot talk for two minutes without telling a whopper.

Your character is not good. You are a huckster and a cheat. Trust me on this.

You are a swindler. A loer serial swindler. You, and not Hilary, should be in prison.

Your judgment is not good.

Your attention span is tiny. You can't even listen to the critical daily Presidential briefings.

Your speech is incoherent.

You have no impulse control.

You are mentally ill. You have all the diagnostic critieria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and seem to be in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

You are not kind.

You are not funny.

You are not wise.

You are a fascist.

You are a racist.

You are a sexist.

You are a bully.

You are an inciter of violence.

You are a traitor. You put Russia's interest before the interest of the United States. What is with this bromance with Vladimir Putin?

You are a braggart. You cannot talk about anything without winding up talking about yourself. Most of what you say about yourself is a lie.

You are a serial abuser of women.

You are a child of privilege. You inherited millions of dollars. You are not a self-made man.

You are a loser at business. If you had simply invested the tens of millions your father gave you in the 1970s you would have more money today.

You have a small dick. Face it. Otherwise you wouldn't be so obsessed with comments about your small hands.

You are a loser as a husband. You cannot seem to keep a marriage together.

You pretty much bought two of your three wives from the Eastern bloc.

You are a loser as a father. You have raised at least three narcissists. It's too early to tell about your younger offspring.

You are a loser as a negotiator. You are not able to even deal with the President of Mexico. We all saw you sitting there looking meek when you visited last year.

Your fucking Make America Great Again hats are made in China.

You are an ignoramus. You don't read. You know nothing.

You are insecure. That's why you talk yourself up so much. You are a loser man-child who at bottom despises himself.

The reason you call other people losers is because you are such a big fucking loser yourself.

Donald Trump, you are a LOSER, LOSER, LOSER!

LOSER, LOSER, LOSER, LOSER, LOSER, LOSER!

LOSER.

And a sore one at that.

Science

Ibn al-Haytham, the Muslim scholar who, hundreds of years before
Englishman Francis Bacon, developed a scientific method

If you drive a car, use a cell phone or computer, wash and dry your clothes and bedding in machine, and are in fact alive because you would have died of a horrible childhood disease were it not for antibiotics, you are enjoying the benefits of science. Were it not for science you would be huddled in a hovel, pockmarked with scars from smallpox and suffering from rickets, trying to stay warm and alive.

Science can be used for good or evil, but the knowledge it provides is your friend.

The roots of science originated with the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who championed the empiricism and the inductive method. If you don't know what those are you fucking should and should go and look them up before you open your mouth and make a fool of yourself.

The scientific method was formulated by Muslin scholar Ibn al-Haytham in the late 10th and early 11th centuries. In the 13th century English friar Roger Bacon used the empirical method in his studies of optics, but it was another Englishman, Francis Bacon (no relation, or at least not close enough to count) who in the late sixteenth century formulated the method of accumulating knowledge we call science.

I am not going to digress into an explanation of science and how it works, but know that it is science that has provided humanity with the knowledge and technology that has led to the modern world.

Scientists are not perfect and are as subject as anyone else to personal, non-evidence based beliefs, but the scientific method is a precious tool and only a fool disregards or disbelieves the body of knowledge that, thanks to science, has accumulated since the time of Francis Bacon.

Science, on the other hand, IS perfect. That is not to say it is not messy-- it certainly is-- but it eventually advances our knowledge. Differences of opinion and contradictory data are resolved by additional applications of-- you guessed it-- science and we understand the world and ourselves a little better.

What I'm working up to is this: you should give little credence to those who deny science. Make all the fun you want of climate scientists, but you disregard their data at your own peril.

Damn it, I am educating again! No more! I am now going after Trump!

Repurposing

When I launched this blog in 2012 my intention was to shine light on the crimes, misdemeanors, and general bad behavior of politicians without regard to political party. I attempted to shine the light of reason on the bad behavior, buttressing my arguments with facts which I sourced.

I did not set out to skewer only Republican politicians, or even primarily Republican politicians, but when it came in hypocrisy, divisiveness, and knownothingness, Democrats and politicians of minority parties just couldn't hold a candle.

As, during the recent presidential campaign, the bad behavior of Republican politicians ramped up to unbelievable levels, as I came to understand reason came to play no role whatsoever in the beliefs of their followers and I was wasting my time and effort in trying to educate, I grew increasingly frustrated-- and this showed in a loss of steam, just as I was building a case about voting rights and responsibilities. I pulled the plug in August of last year.

I now relaunch this blog. Unlike its previous incarnation (posts are still up, folks!), I will no longer play nice. My new target is not politicians in general, but the corrupt and nepotistic administration of Donald J. Trump. I will be pulling no punches.